What Infertility Taught Me
I recently read a blog post about infertility that I felt compelled to write a response to. It ignited frustration and a pet peeve within me about the way couples affected by infertility feel they must cope. And that is largely to become obsessed with their infertility, letting their life focus solely on the anger, frustration, and “why me”? Now, the article was written by a husband who had a period of 14 months or so trying to conceive with his wife. They now have a 3 year old son and have been trying to conceive another child unsuccessfully for two years. If you want to check it out you can read the post here http://natepyle.com/the-disgrace-of-infertility/.
It sounds awful but, I read his blog post and could not help but think this is SO depressing. Even the title, The Disgrace of Infertility makes me squirm. Do we need to make ourselves think of it that way?? Should infertility take up this much of our efforts, thoughts, and purpose? Those who are in the midst of infertility probably will not find solace or comfort from reading his post. Don’t get me wrong, I am in no way bashing this couple or what they went through, or anyone who has or is suffering from infertility. In fact, my husband and I dealt with infertility for over 4 years and still have never been able to conceive a child. However, if you read my last post you will see that we finally adopted our son 3 months ago (yahoooeeee!!!).
What I can tell you about infertility is that it taught me a hell of a lot. I’m actually glad it happened to me. Let me say that again – I feel BLESSED and lucky to be faced with infertility. Coming from a generation that felt scheduling everything is the epitome of productivity and success, it showed me that life is NOTHING like that. If you really take a step back and look at society, at a young age we start kids on a busy schedule because it’s the right thing to do – i.e heading from school, to practice, to youth group etc. But is it really? We start to truly believe that we should be able to and need to schedule life events, including starting a family. I think that being forced to take life as it has come for me has let me absorb all struggles in life more effectively. Life isn’t perfect, not even close and lots of bad and terrible things can and may happen to all of us through the course of it. I now know how we handle our struggles in life defines us. It’s those times that make us who we are. I know that I can handle anything that comes my way and that if it’s not on my terms it’s all going to be fine. And you will be ok too. If those kids/jobs/achievements (whatever they may be) don’t come right away, because let’s face it there’s so many things in life we are “waiting” for, use that time to develop your marriage, take a life-altering vacation, start a business, or find your real passions. So many things are thrown at us in life and you have a choice, to be happy, or not. Why not start through infertility?
People may have a problem with this next statement, but I never want my child or being a mom to define who I am. Sometimes we all forget just how temporary life is. I never know if my child will wake up tomorrow or if I will. My parents, husband or family members may not wake up tomorrow and I have to be ok with it and able to go on with life – it’s part accepting mortality and part finding appreciation and gratitude for every day, through all of life’s events. You know, despite everything I’ve mentioned I know it’s still hard, I get it trust me, I’m sending many hugs and thoughts to those of you are are dealing with infertility. You know who you are – and let me tell you there’s light at the end of the tunnel whether you end up with kids or not.
Much love – Ashley